mandooks

This poem was written during NaNoWriMo, because one of the challenges I’m currently failing at this year is to write one poem a day. As I said, I am not being quite successful with that or the total word count, but I am pretty enthusiastic about my story this year, and I have already written more than I did the past two years. 🙂

I knitted a sweater
Warm, soft. Pink and blue
With yellow flowers on the front
And matching earrings.

I ordered chunky shoes online
And hemmed a skirt some inches shorter.
It took a while, but I embroidered
Hearts into leg warmers.

I swallowed back harsh words,
I drafted heartfelt apologies.
I bit on her lower lip until it bled
And picked at her rainbow-painted nails.

I brushed her hair,
Cut her hair,
Brushed it again,
And bleached it on a whim.

I loved her and loved her and loved her
Until she stopped believing me.

Out of expectations and grief,
Out of despair and angry tears,
I made a girl.

Small as a mouse,
Bigger than the universe.
Arms always open.

I made a girl
Pretty like a blade,
Cutting like a rose.

I made a girl
Then I took it all back.

Sometimes I feel so full of some sort of emotion that I feel kinda dizzy with it, and the outside world gets blurry. Yes I meant to put a comma there. Anyway here’s Wonderwall.

I was dizzy for a while.
The world distorted as I went about
my daily chores.
Empty, it seemed,
of cares I should have paid to my surroundings.

I was in love with the pendulum swing,
the lean of the axis,
the subtle
stumble of my step.

I was late,
terminally exhausted.
I was
alive back then.
The void embraced me in its whirlwind dance.

There was no answer to be found.
No lesson to be gleaned.
Just my fragile head flirting
with the hard pavement.
A thrilling joy
in vertigo.