Let me get this off my chest

I’m back baybee! After months of note-taking, multiple rows of editing and research, let me introduce my brand new baby : Let me get this off my chest : an anxious person’s guide to boobotomy

This 32-page A5 zine is an account of my personal experience going through top surgery and recovery, as well as all the advice I could think to pack into it. It’s probably the hardest I’ve worked on a non-fiction personal project and I’m really happy with how it turned out (and very happy I’m finally done with it).

You can get the PDF for free directly from Ko-fi, or you can email me about it.

Dazed

Sometimes I feel so full of some sort of emotion that I feel kinda dizzy with it, and the outside world gets blurry. Yes I meant to put a comma there. Anyway here’s Wonderwall.

I was dizzy for a while.
The world distorted as I went about
my daily chores.
Empty, it seemed,
of cares I should have paid to my surroundings.

I was in love with the pendulum swing,
the lean of the axis,
the subtle
stumble of my step.

I was late,
terminally exhausted.
I was
alive back then.
The void embraced me in its whirlwind dance.

There was no answer to be found.
No lesson to be gleaned.
Just my fragile head flirting
with the hard pavement.
A thrilling joy
in vertigo.

Everybody Does (cover)

Everybody Does by Julien Baker is one of the first songs we started singing together, and we’ve been wanting to record a live version for ages. So, here you go. 😀

On a personal note, I’ve been obsessed with this song for years, and I had the privilege of seeing it performed live on November 12, 2017. It was incredible. It was a real treat getting to sing it and adapt it with Xavier.

Sorry for the constant refocusing of the camera and the bad image quality, we’re recording video on a smartphone like n00bs.

If you don’t know her music, check out the amazing Julien Baker.

And as usual, check out Xavier’s original songs on Spotify.

today I talk to the dead

It’s been 84 years, but yeah, I do still write poetry sometimes. It’s the beginning of NaNoWriMo once again, we’ll see what happens this year. I’m trying not to put any pressure on myself and enjoy it!

today I talk to the dead.
I pry my eyes open inward and remember
the soil they went back to.

I breathe in the prickly blue sky,
weep with willows, play hide and seek
with a meandering sun. I know
the end will come,
but not today.

I clench my fists. I refuse
to cry. they loved me
and I love them,
for all they’ve given me,
for all they’ve taken from me.

today I tell the dead about the ones who remain
and how we don’t pray
exactly, but sometimes I’ll leave my window
open for a bit too long,
till the clouds invite themselves in.
I yell at them because their beauty
offends me.
the air in my lungs stings like your hand on mine
decades ago.

today I talk to the dead
and as long as I do,
they live.

Hammond’s Lament (Yesterday)

A tale of love and loss recounted by John Hammond, flamboyant creator of Jurassic Park. This is a Helpless Saps cover of The Beatles’ Yesterday.

Check out Xavier’s songs on Spotify. The art on Xavier’s right is the cover art for his EP “Non-breaking Space” by Abel (who also made our logo!). The art on my left is by Ophélie Lhuire.

We’re also working on new original song(s), and other covers. But we’re mostly busy watching 90’s blockbusters and making mechanical keyboards (I soldered electronic components today!).