I spent a lot of time thinking about this and trying to make sense of how I feel – about this trip, about home, about myself. The thing is, Tokyo is probably not the city for me. Japan is certainly not the country for me. It is founded on order and the collective and I’m all about chaos and big personalities creating communities. Chaos here is subtly controlled. There’s something stoic about the people that I find fascinating and that reminds me of my second home. But there’s no spark of total insanity behind it. I miss Cambodia.
So anyway, I am not vibing with the place. It is not love at first sight. Though I adore all the little Honda motorbikes (SuperCubs and Dreams, two-wheeled loves of my life) in pristine condition I see everywhere, and it feels easy walking through these giant streets swarming with people, it’s not the rollercoaster of emotions I was expecting. And that’s fine. Some places I do not need to long for.
But I’m getting better at understanding how things work and paying with coins and being curious about what’s going on behind the polish. And I wish I was a little braver and went into restaurants and stayed out later and tried more things. I just don’t know what things. Yet.
I do miss my friends, my people, my souls too. But I think it is getting easier to be on my own. I can do this.
SONG CREDITS: Gang Gang Schiele – Hyukoh